Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Depressed Pastor: The Setup

I was there the week it happened. His wife asked to see me. Tearfully she told me that he'd walked into the church building that week and announced to his staff that he was "done." He said he couldn't face preaching another sermon; that all that he really wanted to do was to run away from his own life. Sam was forty-five and the pastor of a vibrant and growing church. I am convinced that there are important changes needed in pastoral culture, and that the number of pastors who find themselves in that range from discouraged to depressed gives clear evidence.

Let me suggest four potential setups of this discouragement/depression cycle.

1. Unrealistic Expectations. I taught a class at Westminster Seminary on pastoral care and I was alarmed year after year of how unrealistic the expectations of my future-pastor students were. Year after year my students seemed to forget the two things that consistently make pastoral ministry hard. What are they? The harsh reality of life in a dramatically broken world and what remaining sin does to the hearts of all of us. These two things make pastoral ministry a day by day spiritual war. But there’s another area of unrealistic expectations. It’s the congregation's unrealistic expectation of the pastor. Churches forget that they've called a person who's a man in the midst of his own sanctification. This tends to drive the pastor into hiding, afraid to confess whats true of him and everyone to whom he ministers. There's a direct connection between unrealistic expectations and deepening cycles of disappointment.

2. Family Tensions. There's often a significant gulf between the public persona of the ministry family and the realities of the day by day struggles in their home. We almost assume that the pastor will feel regularly torn between ministry and family and will often be forced to make "the lesser of two evils" choices. Yet this tension isn't a major theme in the Pastoral Epistles. Could it be that we're asking too much of our pastors? Could it be that, as pastors, we're seeking to get things out of ministry that we shouldn’t get and therefore make choices that potentially harm our families? This tension between family and ministry robs pastoral ministry of its joy and it’s seemingly insurmountability is a sure set up for depression.

3. Fear of Man. The very public nature of pastoral ministry makes it fertile soil for this temptation. I know what it's like to be all too aware of the critical person's responses to me as I’m preaching on a Sunday morning. I also know the temptation of thinking of what would win that person as I'm preparing the sermon! Fear of man is actually asking people to give you what only God can deliver. It’s rooted in a Gospel amnesia that causes me to seek again and again for what I’ve already been given in Christ. This tends to cause me to watch for and care too much about the reactions of others, and because I do this, to feel that I get way more criticism than I deserve. Each new duty begins to be viewed as another forum for the criticism of others and with this, the emotional life of the pastor begins to spiral downward.

4. Kingdom Confusion. It’s very tempting for the pastor to do his work in pursuit of glories other than the glory of God, and for purposes other than the purposes of God's kingdom. Personal acclaim and reputation, power and control, comfort and appreciation and ministry success are the subtle little kingdom idols that greet every pastor. Yet in pastoral ministry, the kingdom of self is a costume kingdom. It does a great job of masquerading as the kingdom of God because the way you seek to build the kingdom of self in ministry is by doing ministry!

The reality is that the God who the pastor serves has no allegiance whatsoever to the pastor's little kingdom of self. In fact I’m persuaded that much of the ministry opposition that we attribute to the enemy is actually God getting in the way of the little kingdom intentions of the pastor. It’s God, in grace, rescuing the pastor from himself. So as the pastor wants recognition, his Lord wants Gospel transformation. As God is calling the pastor to spiritual war, what the pastor wants is to be liked. As the pastor is wanting just a little bit of control, God is demonstrating that he’s in control. It's discouraging and exhausting to be serving God, yet not be on God's agenda page. This kingdom confusion robs the pastor of the deep sense of privilege that should motivate the service of every pastor. My pastor friend said it well to his wife, "I just want to go somewhere where life is easy!"

Depression in the pastor may be set up by the culture that surrounds him, but it’s a disease of the heart, and for that we have the presence, promises, and provisions of the Savior. Pastor, he’s in you and with you and for you. No one cares more about the use of your gifts than the Giver. No one cares more about your suffering than the One who suffered for you. And no one shoulders the burden of the church like the One who is the Head of the church and who gave himself up for it. In your despondency, don't run from him, run to him. Jesus really does offer you the hope and healing that you can find no where else.

14 Comments:

At 10:33 AM, Blogger David said...

Thank you for this.

 
At 10:36 AM, Anonymous Jefflyle said...

Excellent and 100% authenticated over the spectrum of my own pastoral ministry. God is long-suffering and gracious to me.

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger Aubra said...

Thanks for posting this. It's a good reminder to those of us who aren't pastors to treat them with an understanding of the heavy load that they carry.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Tim Bertolet said...

As a pastor, this was incredibly helpful and encouraging to me. Thank you.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Mark Kelly said...

"Churches forget that they've called a person who's a man in the midst of his own sanctification."

This phrase jumped off the page at me. In a church that stresses accountability, I feel that I have no-one to share openly with. Not only is the struggle lonely, but I feel exempt from the very thing I encourage our congregation in.

Thank you for this article. It's given me much to think about.
~Mark

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger Tom Kinsfather said...

Great post. Tweeting this and forwarding it to a few pastor friends.

 
At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Glenn said...

Thank you for this post. Unfortunately, I am one who was overtaken by depression. I will be forwarding this to fellow pastors.

I did a three part TV interview concerning my journey into and out of depression. Here is the link should it be of encouragement to anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tv0lE7zwVk&feature=player_embedded

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, I was blind-sided in my late 40s by my husband's depression - and the depression of every other husband of my friends, and none of them were pastors. There is a huge disconnect between what life is "supposed" to be like and what it is (no doubt thanks to consumer culture, advertising - the serpent at work!), and the suburban men I knew were all going through a kind of fury and grief about what they never had, but had expected. Pastors are not immune - and in fact, may be more unprepared, since they didn't think they'd imbibed those promises. But we all do - it's in the water we swim in.

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger freddyeddy said...

Maybe sounds a bit of topic, but I would suggest our current Western Business/Church model is the problem not the answer.

I wish I could go on and elaborate on a 4 step plan to help the western church transition into a simple, shared leadership, mutual submission, every-member-a-contributor model, but alas, I don't have that plan.

For the Pastor's out there now, I would recommend lots of transparency, simple and regular admission of your own flawed-ness and emphasizing your own dependence on Christ.

 
At 10:42 PM, Blogger Shona said...

Can you clarify , "Depression in the Pastor....it's a disease of the heart." My understanding is that SIN is a disease of the heart . Depression is multifactorial. It can be caused by specific sin, but may not . God is sovereign and at times may afflict His own with Depression not for any specific sin. As the Bible states, when the disciples concluded that the man born blind or his parents were guilty of some specific sin , " Jesus answered , Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in Him. " John 9:3
The Puritans were very familiar with this scenario. Many Godly Pastors, having passed through Depression have been greatly equipped thereby to feed the Lord's flock in a way they could not have done before. Let us not therefore take the default position of Depression equals unrepented sin.

 
At 1:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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MAJOR SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSIONo Miserable frame of mind over a period of time,
sometimes in a number of weekso Expresses grief in activities and life in
general, and fails to feel satisfactiono Disheartened thinking - negative approach about oneself, the present
and the futureo Difficulty in focusing and rememberingo Under the
dilemma in making decisions - often even the more simple oneso Feelings of unimportance
and desperationo Anxiety - a sense of being afraid -
that something "dreadful" is going to happeno Phobias or doubts about specific situationso Loss of appetite and weight loss or, alternatively, increased appetite
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or wanting to sleep all the timeo Feeling weary and lacking in
energy and inspirationo Loss of interest in sexo Physical symptoms -
aches and pains, gastrointestinal upsets, headacheso
Incapacity to do the usual everyday activitieso Thoughts of suicide - Various people do not
try to find treatment in the early stage of depression as they started to
observe such symptoms and thought that it will just pass away in a period
of time, not noticing how severe the health problem can be.
associated with depression and to see it in a new light.
When seen correctly, there is no more stigma or shame associated with depression than any other illness.
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At 6:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a pastor who is struggling with depression and looking for help and hope from a trustworthy theological voice, I was glad to see your name and a post. Then, as I read your post, instead of receiving a touch of compassion and guidance, you have provided me a rebuke for my private pastoral sin. I gotta say, this was a huge letdown. Not that I don't want my sin to be dealt with. Is there truth to what you wrote? Yes. Does it need to be said? Sure. But where can a pastor go aside from the quiet place with the Lord and get some compassion and some help? Can he not find some help from a minister to ministers like yourself? Well, I don't know yet where others go, aside from the quiet place, but I know I didn't find it from you, here on this blog. You felt led to write what I already knew about my own sinfulness and was already compounding my feeling of being alone and depressed, but you left me without help. Your post is seriously lacking the balance of the compassion of the gospel. I love you and appreciate your teaching ministry, but just as you felt led to reprove the depressed pastor in your post, I felt led to let you know that your article fell way short of helping in the hour of need. Furthermore, since most people who read your posts are your friends, as am I, I thought I would let you know that I highly doubt that he people applauding this article are in the midst of depression.

 
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