Psalm 27: Not Yours

"My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" (v.8)

I cannot say my heart is pure,
no,
not because it is riddled with lust
or
stained with hatred,
but because
it does not always long for you.
My heart longs,
for comfort and ease,
for power and control,
for possessions and position,
for acceptance and recognition.
It longs for so many of the things
that carry the promise of
satisfaction
contentment
happiness
joy.
Yet, my heart is wired for you,
wired
to only rest in the rest found
in You.
It would be easy to reason
that I am okay.
I am not a thief.
I am not a murderer.
I have not stolen the spouse of another.
But this reality I cannot escape,
my heart is not pure,
because it does not always
long for you.
I have hated in my heart.
I have stolen with my thoughts.
I have lusted in secret.
I have done all these things
because my heart
doesn't always belong to you.
Lord, once more draw my heart to You.
Capture my thoughts.
Command my desires.
Submit my will.
Direct my plans.
Make my heart pure,
not because it is free of struggle,
but because,
it no longer seeks,
identity
meaning
peace
purpose,
that inner sense of well-being
in You.
When my heart finds life in you,
It will not longer
seek it in another.
I wish I could say I am pure,
but the battle still rages,
and rescue is still needed,
so that the longings of my heart,
will not pull me away,
but will draw me
ever closer
to You.